The changes came on slowly at first. Pam remembers that letters from mom would arrive with lots of tape on the back. Mom would open them a number of times not being able to remember whether she signed them or put something in she wanted to. Her hand-writing was becoming less legible also. Later, birthday cards arrived for the wrong niece or nephew on a birthday.

Dad passed away in 1994 and we became much more acutely aware of problems thereafter. On trips home we began to notice spoiled food in the refrigerator and that food had apparently not been added to the freezer since his death. The house was gradually becoming more and more cluttered and the garden and bushes were no longer being taken care of.
Mom was also beginning to lose things more often. Friends now began to call concerned about "changes" they felt they were observing.

revised 4/07/2005

Lessons learned

Three critical points here. We took mom for an evaluation at a nearby teaching hospital. She had a full neuropsychological exam which confirmed a diagnosis of dementia.
Although having a diagnosis does not change anything it gives a name to the problem. Mom was assured that she was not, "going crazy." Our having a name for the problem allowed us to research what might lie ahead. The neuropsych eval also gave an indication of where her strengths and problems were.

The second point, possibly the most important advice we have to offer, is to begin to develop a plan early on. Mom was still able to participate 100% in the discussions. We were able to ask her what her wishes were and to jointly agree on what behavior on her part would require a decision on ours. We were fully aware that there would come a time when none of what we had discussed would be remembered. Still it allowed her to make known her needs and fears. The discussions were frequently painful for her and us. The plan, however, served us well in the days and years that followed.

Finally, mom and dad had obtained a Power of Attorney in 1987. The POA allowed us to act in their behalf when conditions necessitated.

The point in all of this is that by knowing what your up against, developing a plan and having the legal authority to act, you are not forced to react to situations. Without any part of this "tripod" you will be in a situation of having to make decisions while in some "crisis mode."